Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Hey Bitches...During the Koffee Klatch it was all about mothers, Derek's mother called in to tell all that she would love to live with Derek (except that he lives where there is a winter) and how low maintenance (uh-huh) he would be to live with. It was quite a treat to hear the original Mommie Dearest. Romaine's mom is driving her crazy (except she takes good care of little Romie and doesn't charge), Iris's scary, manipulative, born again mother sent her flowers with a "Jesus Loves You" message reeking of innuendo. Derek's advice was to send a lovely thank you picture of the family with a message: "Yes, we know Jesus loves our alternative family, thank you." Jen in FL suggested that Betty send Iris's mother a personal letter trying to get her to see the err of her ways, and Lori in San Antonio (Iris's mother's hometown), called in to say that her parents haven been douches to her and her long time partner saying that she is not welcome anywhere near them, but her partner's family is very loving and accepting. That's just sad that we have to deal with our own families being like this, all these mother fuckers need a trip to a PFLAG meeting.
In the second hour Eyal Feldman of Boy Butter Lubes joined The Bitches bearing gifts and giving us four new upcoming products including Boy Butter Boner, a natural "Cialis-like" 36-hour enhancing product , Boy Butter Warming (there are flames on the bottle), the Boy Butter Extreme H20 Desensitizing Lube and their first dildo that is coming out, it is a hardwood dildo shaped like a butter churn (that's definitely different). Also during his visit Eyal said the first 50 listeners that went to BoyButter.com and sent in a message mentioning the show would receive a very nice Boy Butter product, not to worry, if you're not in the first 50, he will mail out free samples (I love free shit, don't you?)
In the second hour Romaine accused Derek of having a crush on Father Dave from The Catholic Channel, Sirius 159 & XM Channel 117. I have posted a picture of Father Dave (he's kinda hot), I personally think Derek is just chasing around Father Dave hoping that he falls off the Priest wagon right in to his arms. What do you bitches think? (I can't help but look at the microphone and get excited).
The Dildo Whisperer was a little bit slow tonight, but the highlights were Eric the bottom calling in to say he broke up with a guy after 10 years because he was afraid his ass was getting too loose and wanted to know how to tighten up his hole (alum?) so he doesn't end up to be an old guy in diapers. Romaine suggested Betty's Barbells or the Kegelsizer anal workout systems available at Babeland.com. Kim called and asked what strap on would be good to take her "penis virgin" girlfriends' cherry, Romaine again suggested Babeland.com to search for double-headed dildos so they both have a good time. Charles in Las Vegas called to say that his partner's anus is still as tight as the first time he fucked it 17 years ago (TMI?)
During the XXX Showcase, The Bitches were joined by porn reviewer J.C. Adams of GayPornTimes.com. They lamented the passing of gay porn icon Jack Wrangler from emphysema (it was a sad day), and the deaths of leather and BDSM porn star Steve Pierce and interracial porn pioneer Marilyn Chambers. They also talked about the Advocate's recent cover story entitled "Porn Panic" discussing the current economic climate and its effect on the porn industry and how they are dealing with the slowdown in DVD sales by now releasing most of their content on their websites first.
It was a very exciting Desperately Fucking Angry tonight that lasted nearly all of the last hour of the show. Perennial lesbian dramatist and lesbian cop fetishist Robin in CA called in saying her first experience with an actual lady in blue ended badly and wanted to complain about every other lesbian in the world. Romaine pointed out that the common denominator was Robin herself and that she might want to look in the mirror for the problem (touche). Dan in CT is pissed off openly gay Representative Barney Frank is teaming up with PETA and The Humane Society to try to take his ass gerbil away. Kevin from the Island called in to say that Barney Frank could pry his pet birds from his cold dead hands. 25 year old gay virgin Adam in CA called in to say that his therapist is trying to force him to finally get laid, he also admitted to having a problem lying (Adam stay in therapy). Enrrrrique in CA was slightly miffed that his new boyfriend zipped up Enrique's foreskin into his zipper (I feel faint now) during public sex trying to avoid a cop ( I wonder if Robin got turned on hearing there was a cop?). David in MD first asked The Bitches "how they are doing" and the call dwindled into a Ryan in CT style nonsensical rambling of trouble units, high roads and underdogs. The call was a mess, but not in the adorable Ryan way and ended with a much needed dial tone. Speaking of the devil, Ryan was next with his own rambling and nonsensical rant about Mommie Dearest (now available on DVD), not getting a prize for something he did, lesbian neighbors, (at this point Katie interrupted to let Derek and Romaine know he got a free t-shirt earlier in the show) and with that, he also received the coveted dial tone. Then it became a dial tone party with Chad, Bush in TN, Jeremiah (and his mother), Dave in Saskatchewan and many others being dispatched mostly before they could even speak. It was truly hilarious. The show ended with a classic clip of some no-name, no talent gay singer confronting Derek for saying he was "acting like a diva" and being banned from the show (even more hilarious than the first time).
Well, that's it bitches, see you soon.
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