1. Chelsea Handler deserved a humanitarian award for taking a dive in that old HPV soup cauldron with the cast of the Jersey Shore.
2. For only being ten years old, Bieber is a really accomplished lip sync.
3. Why not a bicoastal duet of Videophone with Lady Gaga in LA and Beyonce in NYC on dueling video screens, powered by Cisco Systems and introduced by Ellen Page! Let's turn MTV into the human network!
4. The set was very cool, in fact it was often the most interesting thing happening on the screen.
5. Hey Usher. Michael Jackson called the Psychic Friends Network and left an important message. He wants his dance moves back.
6. I liked the duet of "I Love The Way You Lie" with Eminem and Rihanna, although I think it would have been beyond amazing if it had been Kayne West and Taylor Swift instead.
7. OMG. Taylor Swift! Remember her?
8. The people who actually make music videos don't even deserve to have their names said on-air. Congratulations nameless, thankless director, editor, choreographer. Your work is meaningless.
9. Hey Katy Perry. How about getting on stage to sing with those gays who put California Gurls on the map and made you the music star of the summer? After all, their video was better.
10. Throwing Cher into the mix at the end can't save this year's VMA show from being the straightest show ever.
11. Hey Lohan. That beeping isn't your ankle monitor going off. It's the light on the palm of your hand blinking. (And if you get this, you are too old to be watching the VMAs).
12. How about we change the name of the VMAs to the ZZZs? Oh wait. Someone already did.