Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Clean House?

Hello fellow Bitches-
So last night on the show I went on a rather lengthy rant about my lovely wife Iris and her inability to clean up after herself. I know that many of you think I am just making this shit up so I decided to take matters in to my own hands and show you a little photographic proof of what I am talking about.

**Disclaimer** I did take pictures of the worst offenders in levels of filth and no my whole house is not like this. Just a few key areas associated with my lovely wife. Also, I am by no means an anal retentive cleaner and I too have some dirty areas. Just for the record.

Okay onto the proof!

Picture 1: The Kitchen area

What do you see in this photo? A bowl with some pasta for Romie. An empty cup with a slice of lime and a salt shaker. No big deal really. EXCEPT that bowl of food has been on the counter for two days. that cup with the has a few clones running around the house. And the salt shaker is one of about 5 in our house because Iris tends to hide one in just about every room!

Picture 2: The Living Room

In this photo you see the side of the sofa that belongs to Iris. She has taken my laptop from its home upstairs and brought it downstairs to use. Btw, it is still there. Now, on this particular day her side table is actually kind of clean as there are no dirty dishes on it. But most days it has any or all of the following: a water glass, a salt shaker, books, paper towel, dirty dish among other random items.

Picture 3: The Bedside

What is it with socks? They never make it to the hamper! Last night I talked about Iris has a collection of dirty socks that seems to live beside her side of the bed. This picture shows a few of those pairs. What you don't see are the 3 additional pairs that are UNDER the bed. I counted them this morning when I cleaned there were 5 PAIRS in total!

Picture 4: The Upstairs Bathroom

Two weeks ago I got all crazy and cleaned the lower level of our house really well. Iris seeing all my hard work got inspired to help out. So she took to the upstairs bathroom! I was so proud of her! She even mopped the floor but what she failed to do was clean up from her cleaning. As you can see the mop that she used 2 weeks ago is still in the bathroom! WTF?

I've left the worst 2 offenders for be prepared!!!

Picture 5:The Rec Room/ Contents of Iris' Old Car!

Remember how I told the story last night of how Iris cleaned out her new car? Well, she took everything that was in her old car and shoved it into a few bags in order to get it ready to be traded in. She then brought those bags into our Rec. Room and put them on the floor. Well, I guess she needed to find something in one of the bags so rather then go through the bag she decided to just empty it out right there on the floor. As you can see from this picture when she cleaned out her car she put EVERYTHING in those bags EVEN THE TRASH! Plus, this should give you a good idea of the way her old car looked on the inside! Oh and this mess has been on the floor of the rec room since Friday or Saturday!

Picture 6: Iris' Walk in Closet!

Now these pictures are from Iris' walk in closet. This mess doesn't really make me crazy like the others do because it is her personal space. However, I wanted to include these photos because they reflect the bigger issue. Iris is messy! In these photos you can see that she just likes to let things be messy and stay messy. Even when she has a basket of clean and folded clothes (btw I folded them) she just leaves them in the basket rather then put them away. At some point it has to be hard to figure out which clothes are dirty and which one are not. Right? She has lots of hangers as you can see yet they all seem empty. What is that about? How can any person find what they need in all of this mess?

Okay, so now you have seen my picture proof. And I didn't even take pictures of the dog hair...only because my digital camera ran out of juice before I could! So my question is: What the fuck should I do about this problem? HELP!!!


  1. Did you not know that she was like that before you married her or did this just start when you all signed the papers? I told my partner that I was a messy (ok, not that bad) before we moved in with each other. Looks like it may be something you're going to have to live with or perhaps you could hire someone to come in once a month and clean it all up.

  2. Oh Romaine...I have to sympathy with you and in acknowledgement of my own behavior. My poor hubby Jeff has to deal with many of the same issues from me. Not that I _want_ to behave badly and be a slob, it just seems to happen.

  3. I can't judge because my walk-in closet is just as bad as hers. But I live alone and don't have to share with anyone. I can see why you're upset.

  4. where are you staying now? lol...I feel your pain...


  5. Picture # 1 - Buy ants online and every time Iris leaves dirty dishes out sprinkle ants all over them. Do this every time she leaves dishes out. Unless Iris has an affinity for ants, she should start cleaning up after herself.

    Picture # 2 - confiscate her laptop and don't give it back until she takes care of Picture # 3.

    Picture # 4 - maybe you need to get all crazy more often and clean the lower level again and then maybe she'll move that damn mop!

    Picture # 5 - is grounds for divorce!!

    Picture # 6 - being in the closet is a dark and lonely place. Let this one go Romaine!

  6. Romaine posting these pics is a cry for help! Romaine, make a stand for you & your family! Nobody would want their children to grow up encultured with the idea of this how to care for yourself & a home. It is clear you can't truly relax & enjoy the time you spend at home when it's in this condition. You guys have put so much into your relationship, your home, and family -so HONOR that, make a choice to make your homelife be all that you envisioned it to be. Life happens, we all will lapse into a sloppy period from time to time; obvisiously this isn't random epidsodes of sloppiness. Iris should decide to clean up after herself or PAY someone to clean up after's time to be a big girl now, Mommie's not cleaning up for you anymore!

  7. Ick. I'd freak out regularly about it...not that that's healthy or constructive.

    Actually, I'd probably just clean up after her and let that little ball of resentment grow until I explode about something stupid and then I look like the freak...

  8. While I would say "getting a Guatemalen housekeeper" would be apropos, somehow, that would be enabling her to be messier...and wasn't she a drill sergeant? Surely, she had standards of living back then. I was in the Army, and I remember (fondly) mine as being nice and quite neat. Maybe after they make it a career, they just say, "ah, fuck it," let go of being such tight asses, fart, and drink a nice cold Milwaukee's Best. LOL

  9. Romaine, You've said in the past that you've LOVED it when you had a house keeper in the past. Why don't you get one and have Iris pay for it?

  10. Romaine these pics. made me do some very late spring cleaning!!!

  11. Awww fucking blogspot problems. Anyway the big one I'd bitch about is the closet and the toilet, just given you say the mop was just used and left there for two weeks.
    I don't think the bed is terrible unless the underside is crammed with crap. I didn't think the couch was bad but even with the extra info I'm a bit ambivalent. I've gone to just reusing a glass. Granted I can see the bitching on the dirty dish. But seriously I have two what the fuck's here, the paper towel and salt shaker. WHY for fucks sake would you have a salt shaker in the living room. Also, is the paper towel her idea of a ghetto coaster?

  12. I think you are a bitch....where and when does Iris get to post your "dirty laundry" have you no shame!!! Everytime I hear you bitch it is about what she has done to you. Quit being a victum. wha wha wha.


  13. Iris was in the Military. IN the military she was subject to random inspection. She is DONE with that life, so now, she is going to be a disaster. Thats military folks for you, trust me I know-- I love clean and neat and tidy.

    Romaine, Leave the crap on her side of the bed so she has to clean it off first. Then, tell her when inspection time comes, she'll be punished somehow-think of a way.

    Derek... Green and purple? That's neat! I did my place in green and people freaked out like it was doomsday. I love green because I usually get home and night and I don't want my home feeling DARK and DULL sucking the life out of me all of the time. Live a little! The colors are nice... However... Some of the furniture---

  14. Sheldon,
    I would happily let Iris post pictures on this blog. I have nothing to hide.

  15. Romaine,
    Yeah, that shit would bother me too. Especially the mop and bucket in the bathroom. That is what really bugs me in my personal life. Why the fuck clean if you're just going to leave the cleaning supplies behind, out in the open? I don't get it. Sheldon, you need a good bitch slappin'.

  16. Romaine,
    Come on...your mother warned you she was messy before you married Iris. You do not marry someone to change them, it NEVER works. Hire a housekeeper, let the socks stay and when she runs out let her do her own laundry. Why is she collecting a salt shaker in every room? Trying to die of high Blood pressure??

  17. Romaine i too feel the pain. My partner tends to be just like Iris. I took on 5 children when i fell in love with my girl and they are even worse. 2 yrs i've been dealin with the same shit, i try to teach the kids an Tammy to just pick up behind yourself, seems you just can't retrain slobs, I finally gave up my fight, I do however think I will try the chores list thing, sounds like it might work. love you and love the show. trucker Joanie...Oregon