When I told Derek that I was getting the DNR show cancelled, I wish I wasn't kidding. It happened in the bathroom on a Tuesday night during the second news break. We were casually peeing a urinal apart from each other and to break the silence I blurted out "I am getting the Derek and Romaine Show cancelled!" (Channeling my inner Sharon Needles). He gave me the side-eye like he does every time I try to say a good joke that falls flat on its face and went forth to wash his hands.Then in an attempt to gracefully walk towards the sink and give him another unfunny comment, I slipped on a puddle of pee that the some ding dong before me left behind because peeing close to the urinal is unheard of here at the Sirius XM offices. He laughed at me and then used it as radio material. I was mortified. And as Derek walked out of the studio that night, I whispered to myself "Your days are numbered..."
It is quite the opposite since I am only an intern and we have the life expectancy of a fly. (Dodges Amber's ginormous fly swatter). I did not realize that being an intern with DNR was going to be this traumatizing. Lately my experience has been scarring but also rewarding. I've been meeting some of the biggest hot messes in DNR history. First up, Gioia Bruno, Scott Spears and their gay porno posse.Upon gathering them to take them into the studio I felt every hump, moan and thrust seeping from their minds as they eye-fucked the shit out of me. If I showed any interest in any of them I'd be on my third film and hired to be part of the Bad Boys on the Hudson: Latino Twink Night, essskanky mess. I was intrigued by Gioia Bruno, boy was she joyous to be with us. She sort of reminded me of an extremely loud and sweet fart, especially when she made everything about her. My favorite was when she tried on one of the banana hammocks that Spears was supposed to wear on the Bad Boys on the Hudson Extravaganza, I later found out that he burned it and roofied Gioia Bruno's Skinny Girl Martini. She was a really nice lady.
Speaking of nice ladies, the other mess I got to meet was the one and only Lady Bunny. I didn't know much about the Drag legend, other than Latrice Royale almost ate her alive on the one episode of Drag U I ever watched and that Hedda Lettuce looooooooves her some Bunny, honey. I was lucky enough to meet her at the Big Gay Ice Cream Social that took place two weeks ago. I was super impressed by her big, blonde hair, like how the hell is her neck still functional? I was also caught peeking at her granny panties by Iris, its not my fault her dress was too short. I have to admit her legs were to die for. Excuse me while I do my death drop and bang my head on a empty can of soda. Lady Bunny was a great DJ too, she brought me back to the days when I used to go to work with my dad and instead of paying attention to how a truck works (In hopes that I can take over the family business someday) I sang and danced to Radio Disney's Ultimate 90's Dance Mix...Katie and I ask her to take a photo with us and it was fabulous. The End.
Not really, but almost I swear! Finally the most recent hot mess I got to meet was Mondo Guerra from Project runway, he was in studio to promote his new project IDesign but instead ended up giving us the dish on Project Runway. I was a big fan of Mondo, and when he didn't win I was so pissed off, I almost stabbed my mom's collection of Michael Kors handbags...but we live paycheck to paycheck and my mom is a crazy ass Latina who will crucify me and then slap me with a sacrificed chicken. America, Sofia Vergara has showed you nothing. ANYWAY, so it was really nice to be in the same room as Mondo and I took it upon myself to walk him out and get a photo with him. I took that opportunity to tell him that my older brother and his boyfriend both made out with him at The Cock, say cheese bitch. He thought it was embarassing and I don't blame him. He then invited me to the filthy cum dumpster that is The Cock to help me forget that ever happened. We became best friends for a total of 2 hours and then the clock hit 3 AM and I had to bounce out of there before a crazy, naked daddy kidnapped me.
Now that I think of it, I don't want to get DNR cancelled. What else am I going to for the next few weeks?
-Love, Don Don
We are Chatting with the Lovely & Ridiculously funny SandraBernhard on Tuesday's show about her latest & upcoming appearances, along with fabulous authors Peter Yarrow & Noel Paul Stuckey who have turned a timeless childhood tune into their new kids book, It's Raining, It's Pouring.
Then on Wednesday, Hedda Lettuce, the Queen of Green, will be here to sit down, entertain & delight us all with her dazzling...wits. Not to mention the beautiful & always naughty Jincey Lumpkin will dish the 4-1-1 about being the Chief Sexy Officer at Juicy Pink Box.
Thursday we'll ring in Cyd Zeigler of Outsports.com to catch up on all things hot & gay in the 2012 Olympics. And finally Friday, Baskit Swimwear will be in the studio to show off & discuss their three new collections for the summer.
Be sure to tune into the DNR show this week or you will miss out on all the fun & naughty shenanigans! Feel free to call in at any moment of the show with your questions or comments 866 305 6887.
Attention BITCHES.
Gather round and listen up! Derek & Romaine are on a mission To Cycle for the Cause and need your help...
This year we are participating in the 300-mile bike ride from Boston to NYC with the goal of fighting AIDS. We have set our sights on raising $100,000 in donations for the NYC LGBT AIDS services but cannot do it alone. That's why we have teamed up with our friends from the Big Gay Ice Cream Truck to put together an ice cream social UNLIKE ANY OTHER!
This is where you come in: Derek & Romaine would like to invite you to join them & their team of riders on Team Outspoken for an ice cream cone, sundae or float as we raise funds for Cycle for the Cause AIDS Ride.
When: Friday July 13th, 2012 from 1-7PM ET
Where: The Center Garden (LGBT Center)
208 West 13th Street
(between 7th & 8th Ave)
New York, NY 10011
And as if that wasn't enough to get your lovely faces there, Legendary Drag Queen and DJ Lady Bunny will be spinning the gayest tunes in town from 1-4pm and Later DJ James Anthony will have the whole block shaking their asses with his house beats from 4-7pm. So melt away your blues and put on your dancing shoes at the Big Gay Ice Cream Social!
Helping others never tasted so good. If you are unable to attend but would like to support Team Outspoken, please visit the team's page and donate!
Speaking of nice ladies, the other mess I got to meet was the one and only Lady Bunny. I didn't know much about the Drag legend, other than Latrice Royale almost ate her alive on the one episode of Drag U I ever watched and that Hedda Lettuce looooooooves her some Bunny, honey. I was lucky enough to meet her at the Big Gay Ice Cream Social that took place two weeks ago. I was super impressed by her big, blonde hair, like how the hell is her neck still functional? I was also caught peeking at her granny panties by Iris, its not my fault her dress was too short. I have to admit her legs were to die for. Excuse me while I do my death drop and bang my head on a empty can of soda. Lady Bunny was a great DJ too, she brought me back to the days when I used to go to work with my dad and instead of paying attention to how a truck works (In hopes that I can take over the family business someday) I sang and danced to Radio Disney's Ultimate 90's Dance Mix...Katie and I ask her to take a photo with us and it was fabulous. The End.
Not really, but almost I swear! Finally the most recent hot mess I got to meet was Mondo Guerra from Project runway, he was in studio to promote his new project IDesign but instead ended up giving us the dish on Project Runway. I was a big fan of Mondo, and when he didn't win I was so pissed off, I almost stabbed my mom's collection of Michael Kors handbags...but we live paycheck to paycheck and my mom is a crazy ass Latina who will crucify me and then slap me with a sacrificed chicken. America, Sofia Vergara has showed you nothing. ANYWAY, so it was really nice to be in the same room as Mondo and I took it upon myself to walk him out and get a photo with him. I took that opportunity to tell him that my older brother and his boyfriend both made out with him at The Cock, say cheese bitch. He thought it was embarassing and I don't blame him. He then invited me to the filthy cum dumpster that is The Cock to help me forget that ever happened. We became best friends for a total of 2 hours and then the clock hit 3 AM and I had to bounce out of there before a crazy, naked daddy kidnapped me.
