HEAVEN HELP US!

Before I post my entry, I should probably acknowledge a devoted DNR listener, Gay Grandpa.  Not only is he a hot mess - he's a man somewhere between dementia and death.  Anyway, this old codger took to our blog and instigated drama between myself and Intern Christian!  Don't shit in your Depends, Grandpa ... I know exactly what I'm dealing with.  I've also managed to learn a thing or two by watching All About Eve down at Chelsea Cinema on many o' Thursday night.  Fortunately, Hedda Lettuce doesn't rotate her films as often as Christian turns tricks, therefore, I'm well aware of Eve Harrington, otherwise known as Intern Christian.

My very wise German grandma once warned me about guys like Christian.  She said,
"Eddick, daahlink.  Rememberz what Grammy sayz.  When zu go to zee buffet, neverz diptz your carrotz in ze diptz unlezz you vere firstz in zee linez."

FUCK ME for not taking that internship across the hall at Martha Stewart.  At least I'd be hashing up Peony potpourri instead of shoveling through all Christian's bullshit.  But I love Derek and Romaine (and Christian) AND I'd really get fucking tired of having to continually hear Martha say, "It's A Good Thing." I just thought about something concerning Gay Grandpa:  When the hell did nursing homes start subscribing to SiriusXM?  Furthermore, how the hell did he stay up past 5:00pm when everyone knows the nurses dope those motherfuclers up real good as not to miss Young & The Restless on Tivo!

Now on to my entry ...

We've all had our awkward moments in the workplace bathroom.  For instance, like my first week of interning- I had the pleasure of standing at a urinal next to someone affectionately known around here as Cupcake.  From what I saw, they should be calling him 9"x 6" Cake Pan.  That's one hung straight boy!  On to my most recenter bathroom encounter ... there I was, minding my own business in the SiriusXM bathroom.  As I began washing my hands, I heard what sounded like a sound byte to a Michael Lucas film.  With all the groaning and oohs and aahhs, you would've thought I was in an elementary Spanish class learning vowels.

It was late, right before show time, so my initial thought was that Intern Christian took it to heart when Derek and Romaine told us to make ourselves feel right at home.  (God knows he's been doing it on the air)  It was a logical thought: Christian had just packaged a Fleshjack and maybe he decided to try it out before dropping it in the mail?  But no, this wasn't the simple moans of a J/O, these were groans of deep anal pleasure!

It was just me and the that sinful bottom in the stall, so I couldn't resist to take a look at the coffee cup and e-mail print out he had left at the sink.  Random thoughts raced through my mind ... What in the fuck was he doing in there?  Was he taking a confession?  Was he performing an exorcism?  Was the e-mail correspoindence casualy left on the sink, an invitation to meet him after the show?  I guess I've watched one too many episodes of CSI!

Heaven help me---this is a case of the BUSTED ASS!