Derek & Romaine's Valentine's Message Hotline!!!!

Happy New Year Bitches!

Now that the holiday's are behind us, the stockings have been given away and we have two feet firmly planted in 2012 we thought we'd let you know what's coming up next. Derek & Romaine are collecting messages from YOU for Valentine's Day. Whether you're a secret sap, single and loving it, have relationship advice to offer, are totally bitter, just have a story to tell or are drowning your sorrows in a box of Franzia (Stanton) we want you to call and tell us about it. We're collecting messages to play on the show February 6th through February 14th the number to call is 855-962-7869 try to keep it under a minute and if we like it we'll play it on air.

XOXO
-DNR Team

Holiday Cocktails with Mixologist Duane Fernandez Jr.

Hey Bitches, Tonight on Derek & Romaine, the faboulous Duane Fernandez Jr., stops by our studio to share some of his favorite Holiday Cocktails. We have provided some of the recipes below so you to can prepare them at home. Tune in tonight on SiriusXM 108 OutQ 6-10pm ET/3-7pm PT. Happy Holidays!!


You can also follow Mixologist Duane Fernandez Jr. on Twitter: @Urbancocktail for more drink recipes!


The Yuletide Fresca


1 ½ oz. Tequila Avión Silver


¾ oz. St. Germaine


½ oz. Lime Juice


½ oz. Cranberry & Rosemary Syrup


Top with Sparkling Wine

Combine all ingredients (except sparkling wine) in a shaker with ice; strain into a champagne flute and top with sparkling wine. Garnish with a cranberry and rosemary stem.


46 Days of Christmas


2 oz. Maker’s 46


½ oz. Snap Ginger Spirit


½ oz. Vermouth


1 Heaping Bar Spoon Golden Fig Jam


2 Dashes Bitters

Combine all ingredients in a shaker with ice; strain into a martini glass. Garnish with fig and orange zest.


Winter Wonderland


2 oz. Pisco Portón


1 oz. Eggnog


¼ oz. Cinnamon & Nutmeg Syrup


2 Heaping Bar Spoons Coco Lopez
Combine all ingredients in a shaker with ice; strain over ice into a short rocks glass and garnish with a candy cane.

NEW YORK WEEK!

Fabulous Katie joined in on the fun last night!

This week we've welcomed resident New Yorkers who make this city fabulous!

Last night I snapped some photos of our lovely guests.    While uploading them, I crossed my fingers, hoping that had I taken decent pics - otherwise, I could just hear Derek wanting to know why I can't even take a fucking picture ... and Romaine breaking out the paddle once reserved for Bobby The Intrern, and chrsitening my ass with his initials.  (That's the closest that Finally-Got-Some-Dick-Bobby-The-Bottom-Intern would ever get to my ass!)  Which reminds me, I wonder if he's the same Bobby that keeps sending me friend requests on FaceBook?  Doesn't that mother fucker realize that his ability to send multiple requests, means I'm declining him more than all those credit cards he keeps apply for?  But if Bobby is cute and has managed to retain a tight pussy, maybe I'd fuck him and instead of dowloading DNR pics, I'd be sending those pics to his imbred boyfriend.

BTW, does anyone around this place empty the fucking files in the show camera?  (They should never have let me get my hands on this camera!)  I don't think all of these pictures were of "guests," especially the one that appears to be a blurry self-inspection/close-up of Bobby's anal warts.  Besides taking pics of his
open ass, it looks like the former intern occassionally used the camera for show purposes.  I'll share a couple that caught my attention ...

I was living for this one!  I love me some Jackie Collins ... there is no shame in her game.  I  think Romaine should be the inspiration for her next book, Dangerous Dildo Whispers ...

Speaking of tawdry tales, I bet these hotties from the Ascension Party have enough Fire Island stories to fill two or three Jackie novels! For some reason the only words that come to mind are DOUBLE PENETRATION.  I'm wondering if Derek has an interesting story to share?

Yep, he definitely has a story to share ...

All this drama and dick has me sidetracked.  Back to last night-

The handsome gentleman, Jerry of Suenos visited the show and Chef Sue Torres made sure we had plenty of mouth watering cuisine from her fabulous progressive Mexican restuarant.  I'm thinking about tasting the Jerry's "Real Deal" Margarita ... and not the one on the menu, okay???

The Big Ol' Queens (a.k.a. Douglas Quint & Bryan Petroff) from the Big Gay Ice Cream Shop were also here last night and made sure that we didn't have plenty of mouth watering desserts from the shop.  Can somebody please tell them to hell with the goddamn T-shirts!  We wanted fucking ice cream and desserts ... the last thing any of us needed was
another goddamn cum rag!  (I think we should order carry out and not fucking pay)

Last but not least, Emeric Harney from Harney & Sons Fine Teas stopped by and discussed all things tea.
Romaine impressed him with her vast knowledge of tea.  It's a good thing he brought gifts or she would have pressed him harder than that last batch of tea he made.  Oh, by the way, let me give you the 'T' on that visit ... multiple people in our studio wanted a private, shale we say, tasting, of all the tea Emeric had to offer!

Aww, look at Romaine ready for tea in a fancy Betty cup

Until next time, bitches-
Eric The Intern

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Dear Adolescent Eric,

We both believe that, like astral projection, time travel is possible; so this letter shouldn’t come as any surprise to you.  Think back to the Land of the Lost re-runs we used to watch on Saturday mornings.  Remember the episode in which Holly Marshall met her older-self?  I’m suddenly reminded of another episode where Holly called Chaka the primate dumb.  The next day, we referred to everyone in Sunday School as being dumb.  Of course our Sunday School teacher ratted us out to Grandma.  When she lovingly advised us that Jesus wouldn’t call anyone dumb, our four year old self proudly responded with, “Grandma, Jesus would if the person was really fucking dumb.”  Grandma shook her head and went to the kitchen to make Tollhouse cookies; blissfully in denial that her four year old grandson had no problem dropping the F-Bomb.   

Eric, young people often need advice, and although they never seem to take it, I’ll do as any elder would and offer us a few words of wisdom …

Above anything else that I could possibly ever offer as advice to you throughout our journey in this lifetime, are these simple words: Do Not Regret The Decisions We Make

Our decisions; good, bad, wise or misguided, will enhance our future incarnate lives.

Let’s get our coming-out discussion out of the way …

I loved that when we told our mom we were gay she said, “Honey, we all knew you were a queen.  We were just waiting for you to take your throne.” We then went to the mall and bought a whole bunch of Swatch watches.  Save those watches, especially the Keith Haring Swatch mom bought you, it’ll be worth a good amount of cash one day.

I know you're still on Cloud 9 after just having lost our virginity to a really cute boy.  The sex was amazing, wasn’t it?  I totally wasn’t ready for your orgasm to co-inside with Linda Lavin singing the theme song to Alice!  While I agree that it was important to leave the television on so that no one would hear us having sex, thank God Apple will reinvent the way we listen to music.  That way there will always be a soundtrack during our lovemaking.  But never forget how happy you were in that moment, lying next to him,  laughing about him busting his load to Flo saying, “Mel … kiss my grits!”   

We’ve always been a bit of a gypsy throughout our many lives.  Please continue this attribute throughout your journey as Eric.  Eventually, you and I will find the place we’ve always looked for in our final incarnate self.  Stock up on packing tape, the art of getting the best deal at U-Haul and convincing your parents that they should take their next vacation during the same time you need help moving all your shit to the next fabulous new city!

Continue to take comfort in humor and the written word, for they will always be our greatest strength, our ally, and our comfort.  As people vanish or simply become emotionally and physically unavailable, our humor and writing will live on.  Humor will allow us the medium to process the events that happen in this lifetime.  You’ll encounter many jobs, many professions, BUT writing will eventually pay your mortgage and make work seem like a land of fantasy.  

Continue to smile, for it replenishes an exhausted soul and radiates another human being when they least expect it.  I know we'll worry about laugh lines, but in the future, someone invents a readily available injection that will shed a few years here and there.  Trust me, you’re going to be an avid researcher on ways to beat the clock.

When the time arrives for our grandparents to end their journey, celebrate the intangible gifts they’ve bestowed upon you.  Continue to record all of the funny times you share together … and don’t throw away any cassettes or VHS tapes that capture the practical jokes you’ve played on them. I know there are moments when we cry with the thought of losing them.  Do not.  They have travelled with you many lifetimes.

I'm at what is known as an internet café.  This is where I’m creating this message and my prepaid card is up.  Yes, being shaken down for money never goes away in any lifetime!  The manager is giving me the evil eye, so I better get this to you.  She looks as if she could pull the plug quicker than the electric company shut off the power in our first apartment because we thought it was included in the rent.

Never lose our inner child.  He’s four years old and although he may be a hot mess, he fuels our creativity and we love him.  16 is one hellacious year of hair experimentation, so I'm sending you a pic of our 4 year old self ... as not to remind you of whatever latest creation you're living to regret!