Monday, April 6, 2009

Lesbian Wishes and U-Haul Dreams

Hey Bitches, I AM BACK!!! Have you missed me? I hope so, first I want to thank Trucker Patti for the awesome job she did guest blogging last week, wow, that is one chick with some cajones (in a box somewhere). Yes Bitches, the picture is me with my Sirius hat and yes that is Mr. Derek Hartley's arm, LOL

Anyway, the show was great tonight, Romaine regailed us with tales of slutty lesbians, the monumental and completely appropriate slighting of "The L Word" creator Eileen Chaiken for being such a douche for how she ended the series, and the near-death experiences at her live broadcast with Doria Biddle at The Dinah Shore Weekend. It was truly riviting (if you were a lesbian). Honestly, the first three hours were really uneventful, the real action started in The Happy Hour when Romaine gave us the skinny on our own Michelle in S.F. and her gorgeous friend Kristen, otherwise known as K-Hole (I wonder why) from Boston. They have apparently been hooking up on Facebook for sometime now (at least 15 minutes, you know lesbians) because Kristen flew out to go to Dinah and somehow ended up going on with Michelle back to Mecca. At some point during the conversation Derek said (and I quote) "Emotionally unstable goes to visit emotionally unstable for an unspecified amount of time..." Romaine commented that there was definitely some crying by one or both of our newlyweds on the way back to SF. Well, some little birdie (or a big fat truck driver) texted Michelle to let her know that her ears or vagina was burning. That is when the hysteria ensued, Michelle called in to defend her sanity (short conversation) and she implied that Kristen, indeed, was the lesbian traveling across the west listening to the Indigo Girls in a tearful scene reminiscent of the movie Boys On The Side. Then the old K-Hole herself awoke from her nicotine and booze craving slumber to come on the line and be quickly dispatched by Derek because she was actually kinda boring to listen to. I think The Bitches (large B) should start a pool for the bitches (small b) to bet on when the city of San Francisco will be leveled by a nuclear dyke drama explosion alla Godzilla vs. Lezbozilla, maybe there will be a Derek and Romaine prize pack for the person who most closely guesses the date and time. Whatever the outcome, it should be a very, very entertaining time for all.

We also tonight had The Monday Mailbag in which Mike from MA shredded fellow listener Jeremiah in IN for well, basically breathing. Derek and Romaine did not take kindly to the badmouthing of the gay problem gold mine Jeremiah and dispatched him with a dial tone. (My personal animosity towards Jeremiah comes from when he spent a couple days last year to call and complain to other shows on OutQ about the lovely DNR former intern Katie, I haven't really been a fan of his since, and neither has anyone else). Then our lovable schizofrentic Ryan in CT called and one of the bad personalities in his head took over and it was all down hill from there, the call ended with Romaine giving him the dial tone for saying last week that Derek was his favorite host. SuperFag (with a surprisingly deep voice tonight) called to say how much he enjoyed being a lesbian for the weekend at Dinah and then Jeremiah (even more shrill than normal) called to say he lost 30lbs (must have been in the testicles). To end the evening out we had a call from Larry who had some harsh words for the Bitches saying one of them was living off a dead person and blah, blah, blah. You know what Larry, FUCK YOU!!! Derek only bought a TV with that money!! He's living off his AOL stock! Larry, shut the fuck up, you're an idiot.

Well, that's it bitches, I hope you enjoyed Lesbian Drama Part 2. If Michelle in SF reads this I have some info for you, it's 1-800-GO-UHAUL and if Kristen reads this, your info is for your plane ticket back to sanity.

Bye Bitches.

Trucker James


  1. Trucker James, the weight was from changing my diet since I found out I was Diabetic. The balls are still attached, thank you very much.

    Also, the Monday Mailbag email that was emailed in about me was from MARK not MIKE.

    I'm sorry I'm not as likable as Stanton or Michelle or Trucker Patti, or some of the others in your eyes James. The best I can do is be myself when I do call in. Which is what a feel a lot of the other listeners do.

    As far as Katie goes, she is very sweet on the phone. What I believe you are referencing is when she FIRST became an Intern and the phone system was giving her hell. Romaine already jumped my shit about that and so did Derek. It was her first week if I remember correctly. I apologized for the comments about getting disconnected when she went to put me on hold ON AIR.

    Once again, I apologize to Katie, Derek, Romaine, Greg, and anyone else including the listeners. I have no hard feelings towards anyone who is, or has been on the show, other then that Apple-Bottom wearing Jean Intern that was just a bitch to everyone.

    Well, that's all I have to say for now. The show rocks, and good job on the blog to you and Patti.


  2. Oh, Trucker make me laugh almost as much as the Bitches. It's nice to hear from you again. And, by the way, great photo!

  3. Ok ... This is going to be a loaded statement, and I'm sure I'll catch hell for it, but oh well.

    Jeremiah ... Get a life, Get a hobby, Get Laid ... or all 3. I don't mean to sound rude (too late) but all you do is freakin' whine about everything! Is there one thing you haven't bitched and moaned about? The whole martyr thing is getting a little old, get down off the cross, we need the wood.

    I'm sure I've pissed you off by now, so I will leave you to create another website, with some misdirected half-ass crusade.