Why are Derek & Romaine so excited?

I say up-front that I LOVE Derek and Romaine, and I love hearing their take on the news, and hearing them bitch about Taxes. I'm never really sure how Derek manages to THINK so fast, and keep so much information about the news in his head! Impressive.

Also - I thought yesterday's show was particularly excellent - but I am a sucker for the gossipy shows, dishing about Hollywood. I mostly agreed on their fashion critique, as well. Miley Cyrus' dress was stupid. Derek mentioned that Sean Penn was at the Oscars with his wife, Robin Wright Penn - I looked it up and apparently they filed for divorce, but then UN-filed for divorce. So, apparently, all is well. She's probably a really good woman, and he probably begged. He's definitely got some self-awareness going on right now.

And I loved Derek's crack about Luis the Intern still having that "New Intern Smell".

And is the DnR fade-in music REALLY "bathhouse music?"

Dennis Hensley (please correct my spelling) says to go vote for people at: BIGGAYCASTING.com

OK - so here's my practical, lesbian rant about the early part of the show (please tune out if your Mom irritates you!):

I don't understand why Derek and Romaine are so willing to leave so much money with the Government every year, just hanging on to it, taking an interest-free loan to pay banks tons of money, and then -- Derek whispers about what a HUGE refund he is getting!

A refund. Of his own money. In other words, the Government is GIVING BACK HIS MONEY. They were just BORROWING it.

It's like telling your company - "take some extra money from my paycheck, give it to someone ELSE to go shopping with - and then just give it back to me later. I didn't need any interest."

And you know what happens? If you UNDERPAY your taxes - they FINE you! How come you can't fine them for keeping money that doesn't belong to them? ALSO - you can end up like us in California - "oh, you were getting a refund? you overpaid? too bad, we already spent your money. no refunds. At least not now." Great.

Here is what you're supposed to do, Ladies and Gentlemen (**and DO REMEMBER - this is not tax advice! Your tax situation may be different and you should contact your own tax advisors, or GOD FORBID, do your own research!)

(also - this works best if you work for a larger company, or a company that has its shit together - your mileage may vary!)

If you OWN A HOME and/or have a lot of writeoffs on your tax return, and you work at a company that withholds taxes from your paycheck, you can CHANGE YOUR WITHHOLDING - from 1 Exemption (for a single person) - to the correct amount for your situation. There are websites with calculators where you can input figures from your paycheck and it will tell you, based on your current salary and tax withholding - HOW MANY EXEMPTIONS YOU SHOULD BE CLAIMING.

Then, magically, YOUR PAYCHECK becomes HUGER! More take home pay! More money for hookers and blow.

Now, I know you're going to say "But Michelle, I *like* getting a refund every year! I wouldn't save money otherwise!"

Well here you go. Your company, most likely, has direct deposit for your paycheck. What you do, once you have all this extra money coming in, is RE-DIRECT it - to either another bank account, or a separate savings account - something harder to access. Most banks will allow you to open another account free of charge.

So, say your paycheck is currently $1000 every 2 weeks. Once you're getting all of YOUR money in your paycheck, and not sending it to the tax collector to be spent on Mormon Tax Breaks - lets say, your paycheck will be $1250 every 2 weeks.

Each paycheck, have your company deposit $250.00 into your fancy new Money Market, Interest Bearing Checking or Savings Account - and then the rest into whatever other account you normally have them deposit your check in.

Or - USE SOME SELF DISCIPLINE! Immediately transfer some amount of money into a separate account when you deposit your check.

This way, you'll start to accumulate money, you won't even notice it. I promise. And when it comes time to pay your property taxes, or buy that new 67" HD TV - there will be this great account full of money to go to!!

And you'll think: "Thank goodness for Michelle in San Francisco. Maybe I'll send HER some money!"

Now, I'm not saying this is something that is easy to do. You will actually need to pay attention for some length of time, make some phone calls, and fill out a few forms. But then - you'll keep all of your money where it belongs. IN YOUR BANK ACCOUNT (pocket, mattress, whatever!).

/end rant.

PS: Exploding Sex Toy: Always Funny